Whatever your feelings on Houston Chronicle critic Alison Cook, she’s definitely not one to pull any punches. She’s certainly capable of ripping a restaurant to shreds when warranted, but rarely does an establishment inspire the kind of wrath that Cook brought down on Steak 48.
Published yesterday, Cook filed a rare zero-star review of the ridiculously popular River Oaks steakhouse. According to the Chronicle’s star rating system, a zero-star review means that the restaurant “cannot be recommended at this time.” Ouch.
The full review is definitely worth a read, but these 5 perfectly scathing one-liners pretty much sum up the apparently underwhelming experience that awaits at Steak 48.
On the beef: “I love no steak better than a rib-eye, but this one - a $54 investment - was a mess. I took most of it home, where it made my dogs happier than it had made me.”
On the sides: “Perhaps I would have been in a better humor had my $19 black-truffled, twice-baked potato been filled with appealing fluff rather than the semi-liquid glue at which I poked disconsolately.”
On the desserts: “A wonderfully demented grilled banana split the size of my laptop featured bananas that had been halfheartedly (nay, quarterheartedly) grilled.”
On the ahi tower: “For $45, this wasn't so much a dish as it was a pro-forma assemblage. Like too many dishes here, this is generic American "luxury" fare that hasn't been well thought out.”
On the crowd: “This is a pulsating mating ground for the 30s and 40s set - even a bit beyond - with a thumping vintage soundtrack to match. The not-so-young-and-restless of all descriptions flock in to join the dance, united only by hope and disposable income.”