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The 5 Best Lines From Chron Critic Alison Cook’s Scathing Steak 48 Review

Spoiler alert: she wasn’t a fan.

At least it looks good?
Amy McCarthy is a reporter at Eater.com, focusing on pop culture, policy and labor, and only the weirdest online trends.

Whatever your feelings on Houston Chronicle critic Alison Cook, she’s definitely not one to pull any punches. She’s certainly capable of ripping a restaurant to shreds when warranted, but rarely does an establishment inspire the kind of wrath that Cook brought down on Steak 48.

Published yesterday, Cook filed a rare zero-star review of the ridiculously popular River Oaks steakhouse. According to the Chronicle’s star rating system, a zero-star review means that the restaurant “cannot be recommended at this time.” Ouch.

The full review is definitely worth a read, but these 5 perfectly scathing one-liners pretty much sum up the apparently underwhelming experience that awaits at Steak 48.

On the beef: “I love no steak better than a rib-eye, but this one - a $54 investment - was a mess. I took most of it home, where it made my dogs happier than it had made me.”

On the sides: “Perhaps I would have been in a better humor had my $19 black-truffled, twice-baked potato been filled with appealing fluff rather than the semi-liquid glue at which I poked disconsolately.”

On the desserts: “A wonderfully demented grilled banana split the size of my laptop featured bananas that had been halfheartedly (nay, quarterheartedly) grilled.”

On the ahi tower: “For $45, this wasn't so much a dish as it was a pro-forma assemblage. Like too many dishes here, this is generic American "luxury" fare that hasn't been well thought out.”

On the crowd: “This is a pulsating mating ground for the 30s and 40s set - even a bit beyond - with a thumping vintage soundtrack to match. The not-so-young-and-restless of all descriptions flock in to join the dance, united only by hope and disposable income.”

Steak 48 is more sizzle than substance [Houston Chronicle]